


Hardest Word, The

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 19:46:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11342049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Hardest Word, The

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

The Hardest Word by Hepaestion

  
March 20, 1999  
Archive: SlashKink, Archive X and Amothea's Angst Archive  
Warning: m/m sexual situations, angst, violence  
Author's note: 'Sorry seems to be the hardest word' written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin (1976), #10 on Elton's CD 'Love Songs'  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. Song belongs to Elton John/Bernie Taupin, no permisson was requested for either. Lets hope they don't care.  
Website: http://www.slashcity.com/~hephaestion/

* * *

*************  
What have I got to do to make you love me  
What have I got to do to make you care  
What do I do when lightening strikes me  
And I wake to find that you're not there?

What have I got to do to make you want me,  
What have I got to do to be heard,  
What do I say when it's all over?  
And sorry seems to be the hardest word.

It's sad (so sad)  
It's a sad, sad situation  
And it's getting more and more absurd.  
It's sad (so sad)  
Why can't we talk it over?  
Oh it seems to me  
That sorry seems to be the hardest word.

What have I got to do to make you love me  
What have I got to do to be heard.  
What do I do when lightening strikes me  
What have I got to do?  
What have I got to do?  
When sorry seems to be the hardest word?  
*************************************

The Hardest Word

Alex

Alex looked into the bathroom mirror. The swelling of his lip and eye were finally going down. He looked at the face in the mirror and for a moment barely recognized himself. The wrinkles around his eyes and the frown upon his lips were permanent now it seemed.

"Isn't love suppose to make you glow?" Alex said to himself in a whisper. He sighed and grabbed the bottle of aspirin. After taking two pills and scooping some water from the bathroom sink he walked back into their bedroom.

Mulder was lying on their bed watching a documentary about killer bees. Alex looked at his lover and could feel his bladder fill up from fear. Where did things go so wrong? Mulder had fought tooth and nail with Skinner and Scully for him. They were the team that brought down the Consortium and the alien invasion. They long lasting attraction finally came head to head one night and it was the most torrid love making of their lives. Soon after things calmed down, Mulder insisted they make their relationship open and committed. "I was finally able to stop running. I got to love and be loved, and I felt on top of the world. Until." Alex thought to himself.

Mulder and I had a history of violence. I had done bad things to him and he did bad things to me. Once we became lovers, we took our mutual agression on those we sought out to destroy. Then we became the romantic , silly couple in love you hear about. Even Scully, who finally accepted me, was happy for our love and committment. She also noticed the first bruise. She was always the smartest one. It was my first lie of many following. I told her I fell and hit my self on the coffee table. For the first time Alex Krycek the killer, the spy, now played the clumsy klutz. It is the hardest role yet. That night, he said it happened cause he had been so stressed lately. We made love that night anyway and I forgave him.

Mulder worked hard in the FBI and I was recruited by his friends the Lone Gunmen. It was simple and interesting, and I still had many connections that helped the trio out. They were to notice the second bruise. The black eye was impossible to hide. I lied again, saying Mulder hit me accidently during a nightmare. When he hit me that time, he said it was my fault. He told me not to touch his desk EVER! I was only looking for his airline ticket so I could put it in his suit pocket, the excuse wasn't good enough. I didn't hit him back, I never hit back. He didn't say he was sorry either.

"Are you coming to bed Alex?" Mulder said, noticing I was standing like a zombie staring at him.

I nodded and took off my robe. I got into bed next to him and rolled to my side facing the window. This time I didn't want to make, plus my face was still hurting. Nevertheless, I felt his hands rubbing my skin gently. Was this his way of apologizing? I didn't say a thing, it seemed he was ok with that too. His hands touched me and rubbed me all over. Soon he was rubbing his cock against my asshole and he pushed in. I made a small noise as I felt the penetration. I was tight because I wasn't feeling in the mood. He was quick, the tightness was too much for him and in 4 exact thrusts he was ejaculating inside me. As he pulled out, he patted my rump. I am glad he couldn't see my tears, but by then he was already snoring.

I thought CSM would eventually break me. I was so wrong. I remember CSM telling me that the Mulder men were unable to love anyone. I hate to say maybe he was right. Mulder treated me and sometimes Scully terribly. He was selfish and stubborn and he thought very little of the consequences of his actions. I had thought Scully was my enemy once. I hated her, I was jealous of her. I thought she owned the heart of the man I had been desiring for so long. How wrong I was. I was to know the evil inside Mulder that Scully knew all along. She had sensed Mulder's madness and that is what kept her out of his bed. It was pity she felt for him and sadness. I was wrong about Scully, because she ending up saving my life. She was to see the throught the charade of our love and relationship.

*********************************

Scully

A wrong address would open the dam of their problem to the world. A hospital bill of many for Alex would accidentally go my address. I would be curious to see the diagnosis of a fractured rib on Alex Krycek. Driving to the hospital, I would meet up with the ER doctor. Doctor to doctor, his tale would be told. Confidentiality broken and his medical file open for my eyes. I had to sit down when I read the numerous contusions, fractures, bruises, damaged kidneys etc. his body had suffered. Alex's chart was thick but who ever heard of calling the police and reporting domestic abuse of a gay man? They tended to his bruises and patched him up but handed him back to the lover that caused them. They would shake their heads and frown, maybe they thought it was impossible for a beautiful man like Mulder to be such a monster? Do they need to look like monsters?

I remember getting in my car and driving to their apartment at full speed. Why didn't I see it? Why was I so blind? He had bruises and the sudden behavior characterstics of an abused person. They were always aggressive with each other but that was before, they seemed so in love. How could Mulder hurt the man he loved so much, the man he fought hard and risked everything for?

Scully ran into the building and as she got closer to their apartment she heard the noise. Her blood went cold and she grabbed her gun. She opened the door and walked in. In the bedroom she heard the blows and the man's pleas. She stood in the door and raised her gun, safety off.

"MUlder! Stop right now or I will fucking shoot!" Scully yelled. She saw her partner and best friend beating merciless his lover of over 2 years now. Her hand was steady but her heart ached.

"Get out Scully! This isn't your concern at all. This is between Alex and me! He is a man, he can fight back! Mind your own business Scully." Mulder said, his tone was eerie and cold.

"Dammit Mulder, look at him! Can't you see he isn't fighting back. He doesn't want to. No Mulder, this ends right now. Alex can you stand up?" Scully said, her tone was strong and dared any defiance.

I could see that Alex was in pain. Mulder had hit him in his face, chest and kidneys. He was sure to faint but he held on. He had looked at Mulder and his eyes were full of tears. That night was a night I would never forget.

*****************************

Alex

I remember seeing Scully standing at the doorway with the gun in her hand. It was actually the second time she would pull a gun on Mulder to protect me. I felt so humiliated and shamed and I looked at Mulder's eyes. They were glazed and unfocused, was it anger I wonder? "What do I have to do to make you love me?" I thought to myself.

"She is right Mulder, this ends tonight." I turned around and grabbed a suitcase from the closet. Mulder never moved, he was frozen. Scully never lowered her gun, I think she was in shock too. I packed my things and I let the tears fall down my face.

When I finished packing I walked out the bedroom and Scully stood behind me. Mulder walked behind us. He was quiet and now the fact that I was leaving him was registering in his face.

As I walked to the front door carrying my suitcase, I turned around and looked at the man I had loved for so long.

"Well Mulder?" I said, my voice trembled.

"Goodbye Alex" he said coldly and turned around.

Foolish of me to expect him to say he was sorry. He never said he was sorry. But then sorry seems to be the hardest word.

the end

ps domestic abuse among gay partners is unfortunately on the rise, lets try to make love and not war!


End file.
